Saturday, February 13, 2010

New "Barefoot Ban-dick" Photos Released

86times writes:

"Dudeguy" Shameless,

You should write somthin bout that Colton kid thatz always on the news.

You mean like Komo? Since you already seem like a pretty well-lit 3 watt bulb "86times" I would be happy to oblige (though you are cutting ahead of others).

In a word? "Hero" is what some degenerate retarded fans of Colton the "barefoot ban-dick" are calling him. I say, who gives a rat's mangled, furry-testicle about what this kid does for fame? Unless of course, he has stolen your car, airplane, boat or even your favorite special edition copy of Tango & Cash. Either way, he's probably not the assigned detectives "top priority" case, but he sure is making a mockery of them in doing so.

Scenario 1: I think he could be hiding out with his one friend Timmy McStupid in somebody's stale basement playing copies of Grand Theft Auto on your XBox wearing your grandpa's bomber jacket and listening to the Mammas and Pappas on a CD Walkman he found in the coat pocket while chomping on some beef jerky from the Homegrown Market.

Scenario 2: The little D.B. Cooper wannabe is lost in the damn woods again, picking the thorns out from his itchy, poison-oaked, bare-naked feet. Meanwhile, Greg Nichols saw an opportunity to stand-in and have some fun after recovering from his declining and bitter term, while all the while pretending to be the "Fat-Barefoot-Bandit" all over again.

Scenario 3: Bill Gates has him locked up in his mansion's panic room and is torturing Colton by practicing his TED speech in front of him. Secretly, Bill has him stealing Biography books about himself to donate back to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation as payback for trying to steal his new IPad.